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Specialty Issues:

Progressive Stages of Co-dependency

By JoAnn Zerwekh & Barbara Michaels

I. THE BEGINNING STAGE
Often raised in a dysfunctional family
Learns to "care" for others
Becomes preoccupied with persons, places or things
Quickly picks up cues and learns how to survive
Takes on behavior patterns such as Caretaker, Martyr, People Pleaser, Workaholic or Tap Dancer

II. FEAR AND CONTROL STAGE
Has intense need to control everything and everyone
Attempts to control the uncontrollable leads to depression
Fear of abandonment, rejection and loneliness prevails
Frequently makes pleas and threats related to dependent's behavior or (e.g. drinking, gambling, eating, working)

III. OBSESSIVE STAGE
Judges self and becomes guilt and shame driven
Becomes obsessed with achievements and accomplishments
Social life affected
Anxiety increases
Often tries to run away from problems: seeks geographic cure
Finds relief by dropping out of social relationships
Slides into compulsions ( eating, drinking, controlling, religion, etc.) to relieve anxiety

IV. FROZEN FEELINGS STAGE
Stuffs feelings to avoid the emotional pain
Becomes guilt ridden and dishonest with self and feelings
Overwhelmed with need to control and feelings of powerlessness
Joy, hope and spontaneity take leave
Becomes sick and tired of being sick and tired
Denial no longer works

V. STUCK STAGE
Lets self go physically, mentally and spiritually
Displays fixed behavioral patterns that are self-defeating
Feels helpless and unable to deal with everyday life
Stressful emotions lead to "physical leaks" -- headaches, backaches, ulcers, colitis, hypertension, etc.
Out of control
Hits bottom

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